Antidepressants and potential relationship

Posted by balzac (519 days ago)

Well,

Here's a sequel to a challenging plot.

Mr Aries is also on antidepressants, though on a mild once daily dose.I think he's been taking it for 1-2 years.

While I have no problems with this, having had no prior experience (or bad experience) with medicated people. Should I?

He seems totally fine, very extroverted, outgoing and has many friends. Too early to test the mood swing thing.

*drums fingers*

Anyone on long term antidepressants or have partners on it, care to share your experience?

(I am based in Singapore)

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Posted by Vulvic (519 days ago)

From my experience, as long as they maintain their medication and take measures to 'lift' their mood (i.e. diet and exercise) you should be OK.

I would give him the benefit of the doubt.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zonked (519 days ago)

How long have you known this guy??

Because you'd know it yourself depending on the time you've spent with him!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (519 days ago)

My husband takes anti-d's as well. His are pretty strong and they can have some not nice sexual side effects.

When he goes off them, the mood swings and the possible downs start again. His temper is shorter when he is off them and he's not interested in doing much.

As his partner, you can offer support as much as possible and let him know that you're there for him. Accept that this disease is part of his life and if he gets cranky/down/short with you, know that it is not HIM but the illness or possible change in medication.

My hubby is currently off them and he's experiencing a bit of a down swing. He knows I am there when he needs me and that is the best I can do at the moment, other than trying to keep things as normal as possible.

DO a google search for depression in men. There are quite a few websites out there for some good reading.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (part and party) (519 days ago)

I've said this before but whatever happened to men?... were they not meant to be the strong ones... the caveman... the protector...

Not a fan of pharmaceutical drugs and dependencies... the mind and body is strong and better than that... unless of course it has been through such unimaginable trauma and I am talking PTSD not a bad day at the office...

balzac: I understand we all have our issues... do you want to take on his also?... not too sure how long you have been together but he is sounding a tad needy for want of a better turn of phrase... but if indeed you think he is worth the effort then be there for him, help him recover, live, appreciate the wonder of this way too short life, yadda yadda... (and I know I would do everything and more for the one)

Good luck

(I am based in Tokyo)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (519 days ago)

Is there some deleted bit I missed? Where does she say he is needy?

Chemical imbalance is a chemical imbalance...only folks who have never suffered manic depression, clinical depression or Bipolar disorder...or ADHD or anything that would require meds...can sit there saying things like "ah, we all have our ups and downs, its NORMAL, I am sure you can deal with it if you just put your mind to it..." blah blah blah.

Yeah, tell that to my friends dad, he shot himself when he got off his meds.

balzac - you say he is on anti-depressents, you say it is a very low dose, you say he is extroverted and peppy...so what is the problem exactly? Should you be concerned? No, I dont think you should. Concern would be things like dating someone who has a serious medical condition like epilipsy or diabetes or is legally blind...but that doesnt stop some folks, right?

How long have you known this guy? You sound like you are overly concerned about really wanting to like him...just a thought.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (519 days ago)

I agree with JC. If he is on meds, he is at least aware that he has a condition that he needs to deal with. If he is going well, is peppy and fun and things seem to be ok with him, his meds are working and his problems should be minimal. Be concerned if he stops taking them for no reason.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zonked (519 days ago)

Well, I did say, if you just started dating him and are aware of his condition and also not comfortable with it, you should call it quits.

No one gets into these issues with their eyes wide open, unless you're deeply involved with him and madly in love!

My point is, although as a good citizen of the world one should take on these responsibilities and carry them out with a smile, one has to sometimes put oneself before these duties. One has to be selfish when it concerns long term happiness. As JC wrote about her dad, do you really want him to shoot himself or you, in one of his low periods?? I think I did rather lead and happy and stress free life!

Altruism can be saved for other areas of your life, not worth it in your personal relationships when you've a choice.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (part and party) (519 days ago)

Yeah JC... I'll tell that to my ex housemate who hung himself from the bedroom door... after all the NHS told him his headaches were just that...

And IMHO dealing with something like epilepsy, diabetes, blindness is far more manageable than dealing with diseases of the mind...

Balzac stated on another thread that ‘This guy is asking me to be his gf and am very tempted.’… my ‘needy’ comment was in response to this… potential bf is being very honest with her and Balzac is just trying to understand what she is taking on…

zonked: agree totally... if you love him then of course you'll do everything possible to help him... be there for him through good and bad... but entering a relationship with someone who needs meds is indeed a leap of faith...

(I am based in Tokyo)

Posted by maxis (519 days ago)

Many many peopelm are on antidepressants and you would not even know. Sure, it is a little more scary than diabetes for a partner, but one must remain objective.

If you really lke him for who he is (and remember the mediacated person IS who he really is!) and he has been responsible and honest so as to tell you, then really what is the problem.

And remember, even if you date and and evenmarry someone who is not on medication that does not mean they won't require it later in life anyhow.
So you could say it is better with him than dating some nutter who aint medicated but requires it really (or is that too auturistic ha ha).

No really, give him a go regardless and support him if you like him and wanted to date him before you knew about his meds.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by balzac (519 days ago)

zonked-not long enough. I've only just met him.

We went on a wierd first date where we walked about our past transgressions/sins and he related this panic attack incident which occured a few years ago. He was splitting up with his wife and had been mildly depressed for sometime. Unlike most first dates where one tries to be all charming and show good sides, we clicked because of this weird honesty.

He exercises daily and is physicaly fit. I like him a lot and am attracted to him immensely.He said he's crazy about me. I'm very reserved with my feelings and I think and worry too much which is why you see the questions I've posted on the forums the past 2 days.

I'm not a 'spring chicken' chicken anymore and each choice that I make at this age (late 20's)will highly impact my life.

I dont think I can handle a needy and overly emotional person, honestly. So far I have not seen him as a needy or emotional person yet.

But I'd like to keep my options open and I wont rush into things. I know this 'non' spontaniety kills the fun a bit but hey- I'm not getting any younger.

Right now I am tryig to ascertain if there is any other thing going for us besides just sharing similar interests and the attraction.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by tia (519 days ago)

Balzac: You have to respect that he is being very honest with you as well, as some girls would be scared off by a confession that large.

My husband told me within a week of meeting me about his depression and being on meds. Yeah, I wondered about the future, the dependency, the possible pitfalls. I appreciated his honesty.

If he is admitting it to you, in my opinion, he is aware that this could be a concern for some girls and he is letting you know that he has it under control. This is a good thing. He's not hiding it, which some men might do.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tattooedblonde (519 days ago)

have you ever considered that he's only on anti depressants temporarily? the way it sounds you're all assuming there's a serious psychological condition here, maybe its just situational depression and a doctor has recommended he take meds for 2 years or so to help him get through a difficult period in his life.
just a thought before you go freaking out and talking about lifetime support and PTSD related issues.
then again it might be and thats what you have to be prepared to accept.
I agree with tia: "If he is admitting it to you, in my opinion, he is aware that this could be a concern for some girls and he is letting you know that he has it under control. This is a good thing. He's not hiding it, which some men might do. " <-- to me he sounds like a good guy

(I am based in Guangzhou)

Posted by dontknowwhattodo (519 days ago)

Sent you a PM, balzac. Please check ASAP.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (519 days ago)

>zonked - just to clarify, my dad is alive and kicking...it was my high school classmate/childhood friends' dad who shot himself.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zonked (519 days ago)

My apologies, JC. Missed the ''friend's'' part.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (519 days ago)

Hehe, s'kay, I think I kinda speed read Aijin's post before replying too, so Aijin, apologies for not reading a little slower to avoid misinterpreting.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (part and party) (519 days ago)

No apologies needed… my original point was just bemoaning the fact in this day and age there seems to be such a dependency on pharmaceutical crutches… prozac nation and all that…

Balzac: do you know why he has ended up turning to and using meds?…

(I am based in Tokyo)

Posted by the_poor_man (519 days ago)

Aijin, you're really ignorant about chemical psychiatry.

The evidence that pharmaceutcals help for mood/personality disorders far more than they harm is overwhelming.

There is in fact damage being done to people who need the meds who are not getting them.

It's like a diabetic not getting the insulin they need!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Tidings 2 (519 days ago)

I have been put on an antidepressant to control pms. There are various reasons to be on them inluding depression, attention deficit disorder, weight loss, hormone therapy and bi polar disorder.
You need to worry more abt his being a nice guy or not which has nothing to do with meds.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Justin Credible (Part Deux) (519 days ago)

Lord know, I know quite a few folks who could really dig themselves out of a hole if they just went and asked a doc and got medicated! sheesh lol.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Tidings 2 (519 days ago)

I wish I could say it's working !!! Just kidding. I just started them last week so it's too soon to tell.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by balzac (519 days ago)

hi again- yes I agree I should be thankful he's being honest to me. Tidings2-very interesting point.

Aijin-to answer your question, I think the trigger was a panic attack he had.

JC- yes I know a few people who could use some medication. Sometimes I wonder if I am one of them!

Tia-well he did say the first 6 weeks taking the meds he had zero libido but it normalised after that. You mentioned 'not very nice sexual affects', I can guess the most obvious one, but how do you handle it?

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by tia (519 days ago)

The biggest problem is his inability to finish. Oh, I know, he can last forever, but if he is not climaxing, it is not entirely fun/enjoyable for him, so he gets frustrated. Plus, being on the anti-d's, as his are pretty strong, means his overall feeling is very meh, so mentally, he's not really into it.

I admit, at first, I handled it badly. I was selfish and since we are not together all the time, I wanted to spend all our time in bed together. I got more than cranky and that was not fair. I'm more aware of the side effects and he is more aware of my needs as well, so together, we're working on a way to make sure all needs are met and looked after. It's not easy and I still get annoyed, but it's better than before.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (part and party) (519 days ago)

The poor man: I am not ignorant of drug dependencies… I was brought up in an era where women were overly prescribed with tranquilizers just for voicing an opinion or shipped to an asylum at any sign of a nervous breakdown and the word depression was associated with manic and psychopaths… I admit awareness and understanding and indeed meds are greatly different now but I am still a huge advocate of alternative medicine and trying any most everything before resorting to being needed to be medicated… I think the body is better than that and can find a way to cope with the stress of ‘everyday’ life…

Now balzac’s guy has had a panic attack… I do not know how serious but unless he was endangering himself or others or felt he had the capacity to do so then really is being sedated the answer? Why not try to tackle the root cause of the outburst?… after all not many of us could say that we have not lost it at some time for whatever reason and subsequently worked it out and learnt from it…

OK meds may be his answer but meds if not physically addictive can be mentally addictive… Just my humble opinion but not my answer… I know I would not want to be a slave to some mind control drug…

Anyhows whatever… horses for courses and all that…

Tia: just out of interest and none of mine nor anyones business but are you worried about how you will cope once you are living 24/7 in the same country with your husband and his condition?

(I am based in Tokyo)

Posted by cujo (518 days ago)

I have taken anti-depressants periodically over the last ten years to deal with serious bouts of depression that I have suffered at least since my late teens (which was a lot more than 10 years ago). Without question they have smoothed out the down periods. Unfortunately, my wife shares the opinion first expressed above by Aijin, and it thus has been a significant source of friction in our marriage.

Other than moderating bouts of depression, the biggest difference I see when I am taking pills is that I do not have the flashes of anger that I often have when I am not taking them. I am thankful to report that the pills (prozac and welbutrin) in no way affected my sex drive or ability to perform. A casual acquaintance probably would not see any difference in me whether I was taking the pills or not.

I am a bit surprised by some of the reactions in this thread. I am not sure that it even would have crossed my mind to tell a new g/f that I was taking meds (not an issue that I had to consider since I was married.) I don't think I would have hidden the fact, but I don't think that I would thought it was even worth mentioning; I simply did not consider it such a big deal. I definitely think that they made me easier to live with and improved the quality of my life, regardless of my wife's objections.

I would offer one warning. I decided to just stop taking prozac several years ago. I soon found myself more subject to flashes of anger than ever before - even to the point getting into a couple of fistfights, something I never had really done before and am much too "mature" to be doing now. (Late 20s Balzac? Sorry to disappoint you, but you're still a spring chicken!) I discussed the situation with my doctor, who told me that I needed to wean myself off of prozac by lowering the dosage that I was taking over a period of 2-3 months. I did that and it worked just fine.

So from my perspective, balzac,I would say that you should not let this influence your feelings towards Mr. Aires. Good luck.

Now, where did I put my axe?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (518 days ago)

Cujo: It's good that they have worked for you. I am willing to bet that if the medication had not had a sexual side effect, my hubby might not have mentioned it to me as well. There are somethings you can't hide that well.

Aijin: No, I am not worried at all. I know what is happening, how he is dealing with it and we talk about it easily enough. If anything, I worry more not being there because it puts undue stress on us and it upsets him. I'm not a depression cure, but he does feel better with me around than he does when I am gone for a long time.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (518 days ago)

p.s. Balzac: I replied to your PM.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (518 days ago)

My ex was prescribed anti-depressants 4 years into our relationship, and to be honest i preferred his old, depressed self to the fake, happy-go-lucky robot he had turned into. After taking the happy pills he became unable to feel any emotional pain, nothing would touch him deeply, he was just artificially high all the time, and incredibly self-centred, unable to empathise...just imagine someone on coke 24/7. Unbearable. He just loved the meds as he felt like an invincible demi-god...and suffered no sexual side-effects.

I am sure everyone is different and the meds might bring out a nice side of your personality, but that wasn't his case.
The meds really screwed up our relationship, not his depression.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by zelda (518 days ago)

i mean his depression didn't.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by tia (518 days ago)

WOW! Those must have been some pills. The change in my husband is not so drastic. On them, he is slower to anger/get annoyed than when he is off them. He admits that his emotions are more meh than usual, but he is still able to empathize and it does not make him self-centered.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by the_poor_man (518 days ago)

"Now balzac’s guy has had a panic attack… I do not know how serious but unless he was endangering himself or others or felt he had the capacity to do so then really is being sedated the answer? Why not try to tackle the root cause of the outburst?… after all not many of us could say that we have not lost it at some time for whatever reason and subsequently worked it out and learnt from it…"

Aijin, you DO know that most anti-depressants these days are not sedatives, right!?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (part and party) (518 days ago)

Yup... but tis indeed a beautiful day here and seeing as I have nice things to do, an afternoon luncheon with the girlies and the red hot chilli peppers gig to prep for I wish not to think about 'depressing' issues...

Smile and enjoy folk... it really is quite a beautiful world out there and as JC noted on another thread it is about positive attitude...

Have a great day all...

(I am based in Tokyo)

Posted by setanta (518 days ago)

I take anti-depressants and I'm in a good solid living together relationship. The sexual side-effects are a benefit in that they make me 'last' longer.
Don't worry about it. Go for it.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by freshjive (518 days ago)

Balzac - instead of worrying how things will be why not take one step at a time. Drugs or not. Get to know him and enjoy each other's company. Fundamentally he wont change.

Be glad that he is honest and upfront. Not many people are like that. These characteristics already score high for me.

(I am based in Bali)

Posted by the_poor_man (518 days ago)

Actually, despite the fact that I preached the benefits of psych meds, I took prozac for several months, up to a pretty high dose, and it didn't help at all, and I stopped. No withdrawal or tantrums or episodes for me, though.

I found out that my depression was situational, not chemical.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Ladybird101 (518 days ago)

Balzac,
Perhaps you are over-reacting a bit. Just because the guy is on anti-depressants doesn't mean he is an alien or is about to murder someone if he forgets to take his pills.
I have been on anti-depressants for over a year, and it doesn't mean I'm a headcase, it's just because I had a series of horrible events in my life in a short period and found it hard to cope. Depression can be clinically diagnosed with 9 symptoms, and you don't have to have all symptoms to be diagnosed as depressed. It doesn't seem like you have asked him about it, or even asked him why he is depressed. I think it's probably quite a nice thing on his behalf that he has told you because it shows that he doesn't think you will judge him or run to others for advice!! Is he mistaken???
I am Aussie, and I can tell you that approx 60% of Aussies are on anti-depressants, so if you were to go there (not sure where you are from) then over-reacting would do you no good, because it's fairly standard. (Yes Aijin even guys are on anti-depressants in Oz...it doesnt mean they aren't stong or protectors, it just means that they are human and capable of emotions too!!!).
Balzac, just give the guy a go. It all sounds pretty normal to me.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Aijin (part sigh... ) (518 days ago)

In response… and seeing as I have probably had better years and will definitely have but…

Master poor man: so the drugs did not work… it was ‘situational’… it took you becoming a ‘user’ to realize that was not the answer… all I advocated in my posts was to try and look at the whole picture before resorting to an artificial crutch/bridge… you came to that realization when you were able to take a step back and see that picture… now if drugs helped you do that then akin to cujo, tia’s husband and apologies the other posters who have said that AD’s work/have worked for them that is not a bad thing… all I was saying was if there is another option then please try first…

I am not a chemist but Tamiflu (OK not an AD but…) has just been banned here as the ‘maybe’ side effects have resulted in too many kids throwing themselves off rooftops… and no one likes seeing children kill themselves.

The pharmaceutical industry is a billion dollar business as anyone who has watched the commercials Stateside will testify, let alone noting their attitude to patents/whatevers and the availability of drugs where they are needed desperately at any price and what price life … I do not like drugs/meds unless we are talking pain/disease/prevention…

Ladybird: So what if nearly two thirds of the Oz population is on anti-depressants as not necessarily a great advertisement for that country even if it proves the menfolk are human have emotions…

There is a bigger picture folk… and apologies for a bad moment in my bubble…

Oh and cujo…do not take any of it to heart… it’s all just politics at the end of the day… after all folk and feeling are hardly relevant to somes perspective of the picture…


Good luck and p;ease do try look at this world for the good stuff folk... we are lucky and privileged and should be thankful for that if nothing else... this world and our being here deserves a tad of appreciation...

(I am based in Tokyo)

Posted by tia (517 days ago)

Aijin: You're raise a good point. Many people do rely on drugs as a crutch. Doctors dole them out too easily in some cases.

I had a really bad couple of months awhile back. I was miserable. When talking to my hubby, he warned me about going to a doc straight away because he feared a doc would throw me on anti-d's ASAP and that might not be what I need. He admitted that despite what his doctor says, he stops them for periods of time because he really does not think he needs them as much as the doc says he does, but he knows that they help his chemical imbalance. Yes, they work, but he is also very careful to not become dependent on them.

And I agree, we do need to spend more time focusing on the good in our lives. Look at the threads in here. It's MUCH easier to bemoan our problems than to celebrate our successes.

(I am based in Hong Kong)